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August 22, 2012

Zombie MOAB Month / 3600 Seconds: Dead Island


Dead Island

This is a super special post on because Dead Island fits under both Zombie MOAB month and 3600 seconds. You should be super excited. It’s  going to be a blasty blast.

Screen shot of Ocean from Dead IslandI had heard good and bad things about Most of it revolved around the game play being glitchy and the story line being mediocre, but it was a zombie game, so I had to check it out. Being a Zombie RPG, it was the only one of it’s kind that I knew of. Left 4 Dead was more of a short repeating mission and Black Ops Zombies was just survival. I hadn’t played any zombie games that revolved around a story line.

The opening cut scene was kind of interesting. It had mostly half naked women in tiny bikini’s and some guy on stage singing a crap nasty line from his underground hip hop jam fest. You play a drunken fellow that stumbles around the place victim to disgusted stares and the occasional fist. A security guard offers to take you back to your room, but before he can, he’s attacked by a scantily clad, blood covered woman-thing and chaos erupts.

Somewhere around this point, your male character decides to go into the woman’s restroom to wash the blood off his…eyeballs? And completely ignores the lady lying dead on the floor (also scantily clad) being tended to by somebody that looks like the resort staff. Beside the ladies are some random pills scattered on the ground, and you – being of sound mind and this game being so full of sense – decide to grab a few and stumble back to your room. There, you promptly take a swig of a dark liquor to take the pills with and crash into bed.

After this, you’re able to pick your character. I chose the Asian woman with the knives, because I make good decisions. She says some little monologue in a faked stereotypical accent and that was good enough for me.

Once back in the game, you wake up in the last room you were in, only surprise! You just became a girl. Guess there’s more than zombie things going on around here. I stumbled around the room trying to get used to the controls. It felt kind of weird, wobbly sort of. I assume that controls would feel different for every game I play, but I didn’t want to steer around a drunk chick through an island of zombies.

After you learn to maneuver, you can leave the room and explore the resort. Apparently, my drunk man not only turned into a lady, but also into a kleptomaniac who found it perfectly acceptable to rummage through random suitcases and rooms for things that might be of use even if it made no sense. I mean, it’s not like I really know what’s going on, right? I couldn’t have just passed out drunk, woke up, and immediately thought, “Hey, it’s the zombie apocalypse. I should scavenge for scrap metal just in case I find a weapon I might need to repair on a work bench somewhere.” Not to mention there are random dead bodies lying around in the rooms you pillage from. There’s really no shame here. You have the ability to pick pocket the dead just as much as stealing from their luggage. I have to say, people take the weirdest things to beach resorts. If I were going on vacation, I’d probably pack something more than wire and batteries. Maybe some clothes or something. So I didn’t have to walk around looking like a whore. Ahem.

Screen shot Dead Island taking from BaggageSo yeah, after that, you automatically know to find the elevator shaft to try and get someplace. I don’t know about you guys, but I was always told to use the stairs in an emergency. There were posters and signs and stuff. We even had the occasional drill. I feel like this gives off a negative signal to children and if millions of people die one day because they followed this procedure, well…I hope you’re proud of yourself. You just killed off a civilization.

My friendly little oriental woman turns out to not only have absolutely no morals, she also has a semi-vast knowledge of elevators. After opening the door and dropping into the compartment, the shaft gives way and you start falling down, down, down, ZOMBIES!, down, down, boom. My magically healing and slightly miraculous rice chomping partner recovers from the impact quite nicely as an Australian man comes over the speaker giving her very direct advice to find a weapon in a storage room way over yonder.

Since we often follow advice from random, heavily accented voices that speak to us on an intercom, I steer my chinky eyed, pointy toed friend out of the crashed elevator and back into the resort. After a few steps in, my mystery man comes back on the speakers warning me of a horde and telling me to run the other way. Sure, strange voice. Whatever you say. I run into the room indicated shutting the door behind me and locking myself in with, yes you guessed it, a zombie. That’s what I get for taking advice from a man. Zombie attacks, shit goes blurry, cut scene to another Australian mother fucker yelling in my face. Not cool dude, not even with that accent.

Some uninteresting and uninformative dialogue goes on after this and, long story short, I apparently am supposed to go outside and save the guy that saved me. Chivalry and stupidity did not die with the rest of the human population. I find a weapon, which turns out to be a wooden oar so that I can kayak the zombies to death, and step out into a group of zombies attacking my rescuer on the beach.

In my opinion, he was doing quite well. I spent most of my time dodging zombie attacks and frolicking in the sand. There were some nice sand castles and the water was sparkly clear. I kind of wanted to sun bathe for a while. The guy didn’t even really need my help. I tried out the attack system during this time and found out that it sucks hardcore. I tried to think of a really clever pun that went with how bad it was, but I couldn’t. That’s how seriously ew I thought it was.

Dead Island opening sequence screen shotAfter the commotion, we both headed back inside. I closed the doors (because I was not born in a barn), and more boring cutscene dialogue occurred. I guess I had to head over to the bungalows and retrieve a security key from somebody’s house. You’d think that the strange man on the intercom could override a few security features since he had no problem seeing everything happening on the island.

The whole trip was pretty much running around in the sunshine, walking up on zombies that looked like dead bodies, and then awkwardly killing them with the combat system. I swear I wasn’t doing something right. Sometimes, I would throw things. Sometimes I would just smash. The only thing I did know is that whoever did the graphical portion of the fighting system should probably grab hands with the guy who programmed the fighting system and skip-to-the-lou-my-darling right into the middle of traffic. It was horrendous to say the least. I sometimes would be attacking zombies that molded right into solid objects like doors or tables. Whoooooo look out for me I’m a lounge chair zombie, be scared.

More hack and slash, more stealing, some random guy having a breakdown in a small pool, and tada! I’m where I need to be and grab the security pass I need. Peek around the house for a little bit, yep zombie in the bathroom waiting to jump out at me, and then leave. The way back is the same as the way up. The one thing that I did extremely like was the health regeneration by way of energy drink. Random cans just lying around for me to gulp down if my health got too low. If the zombie apocalypse did happen, I’d want surprise Redbull stashes waiting for me around every corner. I didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t pick them up and take them with me. Apparently, where they were is where I had to drink them. I don’t know if they regenerated or not. I didn’t play that long.

Screen shot of Dead Island first zombie attackOnce back, I was thanked and handed another mission. This is where I stopped. It was the same yuck hack and slash that saved itself because it was on a beach. Maybe if I wanted to get a tan, I would have liked it more, but I happen to glow brown year round, so my interest failed to be captivated.

I’m, unfortunately, giving this game a thumbs down. I know many people that did like it, but I was not one of them. I’d prefer to not be forced to run stupid errands while I stumbled to kill things that tried to consume my soul. Killing big boob-ed bimbos was rather nice, though, and I enjoyed it while it lasted. What did you think of the game? Love it, or hate it?

About the Author

Blogger, Programmer, Zombie Survivalist Expert, Girl Gamer, Pianist, Super Geek, the Epitome of Awesome. Saying the things your mind tells you not to.


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