The Culling of the Cows-Zombie Cows Are Not Real Life

Second zombie game in less than 2 days! I’m on a roll! Or maybe this one just sucked. Yeah, this one wasn’t very good.

Today, I’m playing The Culling of the Cows by Decaying Logic. The Culling of the Cows is described as being both a side scroller, tower defense and a zombie game. I don’t think it’s any of them.

First of all, I have this game under my subset of zombie games because it says it’s a zombie game. What wasn’t told to me is that it’s a zombie COW game. Yes, maybe I should have realized this since it’s called The Culling of the Cows, but let’s just be realistic here-this game isn’t about zombie cows, it’s about mad cow disease and how is that a fun game to play? Yes, at some point actual zombies show up, but why do I want to spend 10 levels killing suicide bomber zombie cows when I could be killing actual zombies?

Calling it a side scroller is a bit of a stretch because you don’t really scroll to the side. You have the ability to walk to the other side of the screen, but you miss all the mad cow zombies. Your best bet is to stay as far to the left as possible to try and shoot their stupid cow faces off from 50 feet away with a shotgun.

Even further of a stretch is to call it a tower defense game. In my mind, a tower defense game requires you to place towers to defend one or multiple areas that you don’t want enemies to enter. In The Culling of the Cows, you protect an area that you don’t want the cows to enter, but there’s not really any tower placing. You have abilities that can help you throughout the way, but the only real form of defense is a crackpot farmer that I never felt any real connection to.

If you really want to be realistic about what kind of game The Culling of the Cows is, it’s a flash game that got the good fortune to make it on Steam when it really should be lodged comfortably on Kongregate or I don’t want to completely negative about this game, but there’s nothing unique or even fun about it.

Along with the identity crises that The Culling of the Cows has, the game mechanics aren’t the best either. To kill a zombie, you had to aim a bit above the head. Apparently, in the zombie world, bullets go right through the legs and feet. I think that the game play it self was the most annoying. If it hadn’t sucked so badly, I would have stayed around to at least see what happened.

Using a controller was almost worse. Especially on the levels where you weren’t mobile and instead had to move the crosshairs around to kill things. Movement was controlled the D-pad as well, so it made for a weird experience in my opinion. There was no way for me to win and enjoy this one.

Decaying Logic has another one of their games in my line up and I hope that it is better than this one has ended up being. Even if it isn’t, that’s the pull of zombie games and movies right? We all know they’re going to be terrible, but we love them anyway.

For $13 on Steam, even I can’t say it’s worth it. The Culling of the Cows is best bought when it’s on sale. Or free.