[Review] Thief

This is not a traditional review. Do not expect a score or grade.

In preparation for the reboot, I decided to play the original Thief not  too long ago. Needless to say, it looks like crap. It only added to the charm. In the end, I could not love the game just because I was too late to the party. But I can say I honestly respect the hell out of the gameplay it defined. I feel like I can say the exact opposite of this reboot.


The game looks really good at times. Clothing reacts well to movement and flames flicker in the wind. Overall, it is obvious they spent a good amount of time creating a detailed environment. My favorite effect is Garrett’s shadow. He actual has one. Most first person games take me right out of the immersion every time I look down and noticed I have no legs or feet. Sometimes you literally have no arms or hands to see. Thief reminds you that you are a character apart of this world. Too bad the game, as of now, runs like Homer Simpson on his way to the power plant.

My PC may be showing its age here and there. I won’t disagree with that. However Thief does not look great enough to constantly stutter in frame rate. I appreciate the PC version having the bells and whistles. But next time optimize it better. I hear there is a patch out but I’m already done with this. I have no interest in this Garrett or his kid sidekick.


The story opens with Garrett trying to keep his weird not daughter chick under control. You then see her death coming a mile away in a 12 wheeler, on fire, with fireworks in the back. You don’t know her and therefore don’t care about her. Which means you don’t care at all about his revenge. Even worse, you’re the reason she dies. It is pretty ridiculous.

Somehow Garrett survives. Because he is the star of this Eidos joint. You awaken to find that you have powers. Or Focus as the game mechanic is called. From here it is all about the truth and the maybe dead girl. Hopefully dead girl. No apologies from me. She was a detriment from the start and showed the player nothing more than a hot headed PMS machine. I am guessing this ends with Garrett giving his life for her and in return she paints her nails black and listens to Avenge 7 Fold. And don’t you dare correct that spelling!


Thief plays more like modern day stealth games than its predecessor. In the worst way possible. A game like this should stand out on its own. Instead of borrowing from a few modern styles, it straight lifts them. This may as well be a re-skinned Dishonored. Remove the cool powers, funky art style, and real choice in gameplay and you’re left with a bland experience. Moving around the city Assassins Creed style is fun enough but Ubisoft already did it. 73 times I believe.

Garrett will have access to a good amount of weapons and gadgets. But also like AC, you’ll end up using two of them at the most. The rope arrow would be great if you could use it anywhere. Instead you can only apply it to specialty design ledges. Additionally, the wrench and the wire cutter really helps you find secret areas. Problem is the only purpose for that is to get more money. For more items you are not going to use or need. Not everything is useless, but enough of it is to make everything feel like an afterthought.

And I don’t care what difficulty you play on. The AI in this game is HORRIBLE. This isn’t a FPS where bad AI translates to a action packed shootout. A stealth game heavily relies on smart AI that is out to get you. The guards here rather gossip way to loudly about nothing than find you. To get away from just about any threat, all you have to do is make it to a few roof tops. Even AC at its worse enables the AI to climb and poke bushes. I was able to loudly drop down on to a guard, alert his guard friend, and hide in a  closet area. You’d think the other guard would attempt to look in the ONLY hiding place in the area. Nope. Not that guy. Move along, nothing to see here.


Are you a person who hates life and wants to end it all? But you lack the courage to pop a pill or pull a  trigger. Then Thief is the game for you. It’s short sighted, boring, and uneventful. Basically your sex life without the disappointing finish. Oh wait, it has that too.