In my very first computer science class, I wrote a book report on the Two Johns – John Carmack and John Romero. I feel in love with the pair. Needless to say, when I found out that Carmack’s company, iD software, released a game, I was pretty stoked. Rage looked like an RPG I could sink my teeth into and I immediately went over to GameFly and set it up in my queue.
WARNING – SPOILERS
Do not play this game if you’re 1) Sleep deprived and paranoid 2) Super jittery from a caffeine overdose 3) Sleep with a night light because sometimes you’re scared of the dark. Or all of the above, like me.
When I first cut on the game, I found it to be a lot like Fallout – one of my favorite video game series. The opening cut scene was fairly short and I liked that. I hate it when I have to watch movies. I want to smash face, I hardly care about the storyline. We all know the good guy wins in the end.
Not even 30 seconds after walking into the bright, post apocalyptic world, I round a corner to be immediately pounced on by 2 evil looking things. This disconcerned me mostly because I hate things that just jump out at me that I’ not ready for. Unless it’s zombies, but zombies rarely jump, they just horde. These were not zombies. I couldn’t tell if they were human or if they were demons and my logical brain couldn’t wrap itself around that unknown fact. I might have screamed at this point. I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
I didn’t have to worry about them long. Some guy, in a cool jeep-looking vehicle, came to my rescue and shot them dead. My hero. Too bad my character was a guy or there would have been serious animated flirting going on. My attraction lasted until I got close and noticed all the dirt and grime on him. He looked stinky. I don’t like stinky. So, my focus went back to the game.
The controls are a little bit unconventional in this game. By unconventional, I mean they aren’t like Call of Duty. You have 6 options to change them to suit your purpose, but they are per-determined and I per-determined that they all sucked. Because they did.
Anywho, after you learn to shoot and aim, you’re sent on your first mission which was something along the lines of killing a whole nest of those evil creature things that I just almost died from. How does that sound like a good idea at all? It doesn’t. It’s a horrible idea. I don’t care if they come after you, mister stinky man, but they have no idea who I am and all I have to do is roll around in a mud pit and I’ll look no different than anybody else.
I go anyway. I really don’t have a choice. Plus, the music playing on the radio was that horrible whining crap that all post apocalyptic games play. Did all the other music get destroyed when the world ended? I mean really, is it too much to ask that I risk my life to the 8 mile sound track? Maybe, the world ended because everyone didn’t want to listen to the melody of a baby dying. But, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, my mission to go have tea and crumpets with the demon people.
I get the keys to an ATV and that’s pretty sweet. Fun Fact: Asian females also cannot drive in video games either. I think I’ll just blame it on the unconventional controls. I did laugh my ass off when I ran over the smallest of rocks and my guy screamed like a girl as he flew off the ATV and landed on his face. Then, a second later it cut to him being on his feet ready to ride again. I guess they spent so much time working on the flying through the air portion that they didn’t have time to show him getting back up again.
The fighting parts were pretty much like I expected. They were hiding around corners or obstacles and I could hear them coming before I saw them. Not because they had loud footsteps, but because they were telling me they were going to kill me. Which was odd, because if I were to kill somebody I would probably wait quietly until they passed and get them from behind. I certainly wouldn’t be yelling at them from another room, that’s just dumb.
At some point I get captured and the leader orders me to be taken to the kill room. Well, thanks sir, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t really want to go to the kill room because I kind of don’t want to die and I feel like that’s going to happen if I go there. I have to go anyway. What is with this game telling me to go places I don’t want to go?
This is where it gets obnoxiously weird. After I watch my own murder, a screen comes up with instructions on how to defibrillate myself. It’s some special power us cool Ark people have that has something to do with nanodes and electrolytes or electrodes. Something along those lines. For some reason the image of Gatorade pops into my head and I forgot what the instructions were so I didn’t get all of my health back. It also kills enemies within reach so when I come back to life, the guy who killed me is dead. Bet you weren’t expecting that, huh dead guy? Yeah, I wasn’t either.
As I’m leaving the room, I check the dead body and try to check the dead body of some random body in the room. I don’t understand why I can’t take the knives protruding from the dead guy’s back. I mean, they’re there, I could use them, I want them, give them to me now. Ridiculous.
My fight out is not much more epic than my fight in. The only real difference is the bad guys spawning closer together and in groups. I’m still kind of paranoid and jumpy so I get a tad bit trigger happy causing me to run out of bullets quick and, of course, I can’t pick up the guns that were just shooting at me. I have to fight with my fists when I’m out of ammo and that’s completely useless because the demons were Halo jumping like a mofo. I tried to use my health packs, but I wasn’t used to the controls yet and I never figured out the D-pad inventory system so I ended up dying.
At this point, my hour was up. I haven’t decided whether or not to continue the game. It’s decently fun, but there’s nothing about it that really pulls me in or makes it different. This doesn’t dissappoint me in the least, mostly because I don’t want to use an inhaler every time I have to go fight something. In conclusion, I do like the game and I feel like it could have potential, but it’s nothing special and I can see it having the ability to get repetitive. But I’m the girl that buys every Call of Duty that comes out, so who am I to talk?
What are your first impressions about the game?